Let’s face it — dirty talk can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re not used to doing it. But if you have a partner who is super into it and you’re open to learning, we’ve got some tips and tricks to help incorporate this skill (and yes, it is definitely a skill!) into your sex life. It’s not as awkward as you think!
Go at Your Own Pace
Listen, no one expects you to go from training wheels to professional in a week. You wouldn’t hit the gym and expect to see a six-pack the next day, right? Dirty talk is the same way; beginners need to practice and get comfortable with it first.
If your partner is asking, talk to them before trying it for the first time. Let them know you’re working on it so they understand where you’re at in the process. If you’re the one putting pressure on yourself, stop it! Life is full of stress already; why be your own worst enemy?
Dirty talk is just one of many tools you can add to your sexual intimacy toolbox. If it makes you feel uncomfortable after trying it, that’s ok! It’s not for everyone.
Focus on What Turns You On
There is no “right” or “wrong” way to talk dirty. It’s about what turns you and your partner on! If you’re just saying words to say them, what does that add to your sex life?
Most people like dirty talk because it makes them feel like their partner is super turned on by them, not because there is a magic phrase that will immediately trigger an orgasm. Sexual arousal can happen as the result of many different factors, so learning what works for you is crucial.
If you’re not sure what your turn-ons are, spend some solo time figuring them out! Break out the lube and the sex toys, and pay attention to where your thoughts go when turning on that vibrator. Then, incorporate those thoughts the next time you’re in bed with your partner!
Dirty talk also stimulates areas of the brain responsible for sexual pleasure, so the more you talk, the more turned on you’ll get! It’s a win-win for everyone involved.
Don’t Overthink What You Say
It will not be natural immediately, but try not to think too hard before you dirty talk. Overthinking gives you space to get into your head, and everything can feel awkward or take you out of the moment.
Will you say something weird every once in a while? Yes! But when you’re with a partner you can trust and be vulnerable in front of, and you’re trying something new to turn them on, you can laugh about it together and move on. It’s okay to get silly!
Be Comfortable With Your Partner
The best, most loving relationships are those where you feel at home. Being comfortable with your partner — physically, emotionally, and sexually — helps establish trust and allows you to explore yourself and your relationship safely and securely.
Talk to your partner, tell them how you’re feeling, and let them express their feelings. Sexual communication is essential in any sexual relationship, especially in long-term partnerships.
Don’t Judge Your Partner
Kink shaming is outdated, and you’re supposed to be your partner’s biggest ally in life. Unless they’re into something that crosses the line ethically, resist the urge to judge them for what they like.
If it’s consensual and doesn’t hurt anyone, keep an open mind. However, not judging your partner doesn’t mean you have to participate in anything that makes you uncomfortable. It’s also okay to set boundaries with your partner. In fact, it’s essential!
Get Specific
The best way to develop your dirty talk skills is to stay mindful. Instead of trying to reach for what you think you should be saying, just describe what’s happening in the moment!
Is your partner doing something that gets you going? Tell them specifically! Describe how your body is feeling. Talk to them about what they’re doing that’s working. It doesn’t have to be vulgar to be dirty, after all.
Things To Say That Build Anticipation
Not all dirty talk has to happen during intimacy. If you want to practice dirty talking, try sexting with your partner. Dirty text messages build anticipation, so you’ll be ripping each other’s clothes off when you're both at home.
Here are a few dirty-talk sext examples:
- I’m so wet/hard thinking about you.
- I’ve been thinking about you fucking me from behind all morning.
- I need you inside of me.
- I want you to sit on my face.
- I want to make you cum.
- I miss your cock.
- You make me want to be a bad girl.
- When you get home, I’ll give you the best blowjob of your life.
This kind of dirty talk is also excellent for people in long-term relationships. It works as foreplay but also builds sexual tension until the next time you’re face-to-face (or have phone sex). You can also use it to establish a sexual fantasy or role-play situation before acting it out.
Things To Say When You’re in the Moment
You can also use dirty talk in the moment to turn your partner on and help guide them to touching you the right way or using sex positions that work for you. Even just a word or two can help, so try any of the following the next time you’re getting it on:
- Harder.
- Slap my ass.
- Say my name.
- Don’t stop.
- You like that?
- Fuck me from behind.
- Tie me up.
- Tell me what you want me to do.
Things To Say To Praise Your Partner
Praise kinks are real, and even if your partner doesn’t fall on that side of the line, everyone likes to be told they’re doing a good job. Praising your partner also sets the stage for even better sexual encounters in the future, and it’s a great way to tell them what works for you without having it be so obvious.
Try these to praise your partner:
- Oh my god, that feels so good.
- Right there.
- I love it when you touch me like that.
- I love it when you moan.
- You’re so big.
- You’re so wet.
- You’re going to make me cum.
- You make me dripping wet.
- I’ve never been this turned on by anyone before.
Things To Finish With
Dirty talk doesn’t have to be over just because you’ve had an orgasm. You can use dirty talk after sex, too, either to check in with your partner or as a form of aftercare (which is especially crucial in dominant/submissive relationships).
Here are a few suggestions:
- You just made me cum so hard.
- You’re so good at that.
- I can’t wait to fuck you again.
- You made me feel so good.
- I love fucking you.
- You made me cum harder than anyone ever has.
Remember, not all dirty talk phrases work for everyone. Talk to your partner about what dirty things they liked to hear or if anything made them uncomfortable. Take their turn-offs into account the next time.
Takeaway
Hopefully, this dirty talk guide has made you feel more confident to go out there and try it for yourself. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun!
Try to remove any excess pressure you feel to perform and just enjoy spending that time with your partner. You might be shocked at what can come out of your mouth if you just let go a little!
Sources:
Sex: The science of sexual arousal | APA
Gender and sexual orientation in relation to hypothalamic structures | PubMed
Sexual Communication | Student Health and Counseling Services | UC Davis
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