It isn’t the 1950s anymore, and sex can be much more fun than just 10 minutes of standard missionary position followed by potentially having to fake an orgasm. We all deserve to have our sex lives look the way we want them to, and being open to exploring a little more freaky sex can open up a world of possibilities.
What does that mean exactly? Buckle up—we’re about to get our freak on.
What Makes Someone Freaky in Bed?
When we talk about being “freaky” in bed, we want to make it absolutely clear that we mean that with zero judgment. Freaky sex is all about being open-minded and willing to consider trying anything with your partner that is consensual and legal.
What makes someone “freaky” is an individual judgment call, one that makes you feel the right type of naughty. The only one that decides if that label fits is you. Let your freak flag fly, baby! The truth is that what you may think is “freaky” is a lot more common than you realize.
What if Your Partner Wants To Have Freaky Sex?
Well then, congratulations. If your partner has expressed interest in getting a little bit freaky in the bedroom for the first time, don’t immediately shut them down.
Having a partner who wants to explore freaky sex with you and is willing to communicate openly with you about their wants and desire is a green flag. Set aside some time to discuss what that looks like for them, and then decide if those are things you’re willing to try.
Tips for Exploring Freaky Sex
Ready to explore some freaky sex and see if you learn anything new about yourself? We’ve got all kinds of kinky sex tips for you before the big event.
Foreplay
Exploring new and different types of sexual activity can be super exciting, but that excitement can also be a little scary. Taking your time with foreplay may not be freaky, but it can help you loosen up and get ready to try something new.
And speaking of loosening up, check out our Intimacy Melts. If you’re worried about physically relaxing during sexual activity (especially penetration), just insert one of these suppositories either vaginally or rectally 30 to 60 minutes before getting freaky.
Listen to Body Language
In a perfect world, we’d all feel comfortable enough to open up and talk honestly about our feelings. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to be vulnerable even in a loving, safe, supportive relationship.
While that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to talk to your partner, you should pay just as much attention to their body language as you are to what they’re saying out loud to you. If you’re seeing some body language that makes you feel like they are uncomfortable with what is happening, stop what you’re doing and address it in a non-confrontational way.
Sex, even freaky or kinky sex, should always feel safe and be consensual—no matter what.
Be Confident
Listen, there isn’t anything sexier than confidence. True, radical self-acceptance means embracing every part of you, even those that aren’t “perfect.”
Let’s face it; perfect doesn’t really exist anyway. Take the time to learn about what turns you on, then bring that to your partner with confidence. Don’t be afraid to show people who you are because real ride-or-die partners will love and support you no matter what.
Discuss Boundaries and Limits
Just because you’re trying out the freaky stuff doesn’t mean it’s a free for all. It’s not only a good idea to discuss your boundaries and limits ahead of time; it’s crucial to make you both feel safe and comfortable.
While staying open-minded is good, that doesn’t mean you have to cross your boundaries to please your partner. And if the discussion turns hot, don’t be afraid to incorporate it into your dirty talk. Tell each other what makes you tick.
Tips and Tricks for Having Freaky Sex
Hopefully, you feel loose, turned on, and ready to go. While you should feel free just to do what feels right in the moment, we’ve got a few of our favorite tips and tricks to turn up the juice.
Get Out of Your Routine
Freaky sex doesn’t have to be all that wild and sordid. Try having sex in the car or the shower, or even just have a quickie in the kitchen before heading off to work!
For beginners, getting out of your routine can help average sex feel like steamy sex.
Try New Positions
The longer you’ve been with your partner, the more likely you’ll get stuck in a routine. While that can often mean you’ve both gotten really good at getting each other off, it doesn’t lead to much excitement in the bedroom.
A quick way to mix it up is to try a new sex position, like doggy style or the reverse cowgirl. You can get as creative as you want and even develop some of your own! New positions don’t have to mean penetration either—try masturbation on or near each other to spice things up.
Talk Dirty
Freaky sex doesn’t have to only be about action; talking dirty can make it even hotter without having to raise a finger. We know it can be awkward to start talking dirty if you haven’t done it before, so here’s a quick guide if you need a little help.
Start by describing what your partner is doing and how it feels, or tell them what you want them to do to you (or what you’re planning to do to them). You can even use this as foreplay before you’re together, adding a sexy picture if you feel comfortable.
Role Play
Want to try freaky sex without getting too out there? Why not explore a little role play? There’s a reason that role play is one of the most common sexual fantasies people have—it’s an incredibly diverse way to add some freak to your sex life.
When you put yourself into a different role (think: teacher/student, boss/secretary, or any other dynamic you can think of), you can let go and be whoever you want to be.
Anal or Prostate Play
Backdoor loving gets a reputation for being freaky, but people are often surprised by how pleasurable it can be. The best part is that anyone can try anal sex or play, regardless of their identity.
Although people assigned male at birth have a slight edge due to the intensity of the prostate orgasm, there are abundant nerve endings in the rectum. There are even vibrators and sex toys specifically for anal play.
When you go slow, use plenty of lube (the rectum doesn’t make its own lubrication, so using it is non-negotiable), and respect your limits, you may discover a new way to enjoy sexy time with your partner. You can even take turns!
Kink and BDSM
Kink and BDSM are far more common than you think, although there are levels involved in practicing it. You can incorporate BDSM practices into your sex life, from mild to extra spicy (and no, we’re not talking about the problematic 50 shades of grey vibes here).
You don’t have to go immediately from zero to 100, either. Start by exploring a little light spanking or a blindfold, then move into kinkier forms of restraint like being tied up or handcuffed.
With BDSM, you and your partner should establish a safe word. With a safe word, you can try new and kinky things and still be able to have a way to “tap out,” so to speak. Choose a safe word that wouldn’t be something you’d typically say during sex (for example - “oh god” would be a not-so-great choice).
Takeaway
Calling something “freaky” isn’t bad—we all need to get a little naughty every once in a while. Straying from your comfort zone and trying something new with your partner can build your bond and invigorate your sex life with even more sexual pleasure, and you don’t have to break out the handcuffs to do it (but we definitely recommend you try that at least once in your life).
Now, what are you still doing here—go find your partner and show them what you’ve learned about yourself!
Sources:
All About Sex Fact: "Unconventional" Sex Is Actually Very Common | Psychology Today
Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community | PMC
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