If you’re looking for how to be a better lover, the good news is that you’re already halfway there. Just showing interest in learning how to please your partner is more than many people do; we hope your partner appreciates that and returns the favor.
No matter how you identify and who you choose to sleep with, we have 10 tips you can apply today to start making you a better, more responsive lover in no time. It’s your love life; make it great.
Communication Is Everything
Communication is the key to everything, not just improving your sex life. To be a truly great lover, you must start and end any sexual experience with open, honest communication between you and your partner.
How will you learn what turns them on (or off) without it? Here are a few ways to boost communication before your clothes come off.
1. Learn To Listen
Truly listening to another person can be tough, especially if what you’re hearing may not be all gold stars and good jobs. But you’re here to learn how to be a better lover, right?
An excellent place to start is by setting aside time just to sit down and talk with your partner outside of your sexual encounters. Ask them what’s working for them and where you may be able to do better, and listen without getting defensive.
Your partner is giving you the keys to turn them on, so take notes if you have to. It’s not every day you get these opportunities.
2. Pay Attention to Body Language
Research has shown that more than half of communication is nonverbal. That means no matter how healthy your relationship is, what your partner is saying out loud is only half the picture. To get the complete picture, pay attention to their body language.
Things like their eye contact (or lack thereof), how they kiss you, touch you, and respond to your actions can tell you a lot about what may be working (or not working) for them. Remember, no matter how loving and trusting your relationship, some people deal with personal insecurities that don’t allow them to speak up. Try not to take it personally, and just listen.
3. Set Boundaries
Exploring how to be a good lover (or a great lover) can take you into uncharted territory, which is a big part of the fun. However, consent is non-negotiable, even in monogamous long-term relationships.
Setting boundaries before you take things into the bedroom can help your partner feel respected and set up a trusting environment so you can have the best sex and try new things without worry.
4. Appreciate Your Partner
Some interesting research suggests that expressing appreciation and gratitude for your partner can make them feel more romantic toward you than any sexual act. A healthy relationship means paying attention to the little things your partner does for you outside of the bedroom because nothing is hotter than feeling like you’re truly valued and loved for who you are.
How To Be a Better Lover Between the Sheets
Alright, you’ve set up an open line of communication with your partner, identified and set your boundaries, and you’re both willing and ready to go. What now?
5. Intimacy and Pleasure
We often think of intimacy and pleasure as being the same, but they’re really two sides of a similar coin. Intimacy is your connection with your partner, which goes beyond just the physical act of sex, while pleasure is the physical sensation you get from exploring sexual intimacy. Combine the two to learn how to be a great lover.
For example, take time to set the mood and establish an emotional connection before you even touch your partner’s body. Don’t rush; use your nonverbal communication skills to be responsive to their needs. Try an arousal oil to increase your lover’s physical sensation.
6. Have an Open Mind
Approaching life with a general sense of open-mindedness is essential because it allows you to learn more about who you are. You don’t have to agree to everything your partner wants to do or try (boundaries are crucial), but try to have an open mind if they seem excited about trying something specific.
Staying open-minded shows your partner that you value and respect their needs, even if you try it once and never do it again. An easy start is incorporating sex toys, which can open the door to exploring other sexual techniques like anal play.
7. Communicate Your Needs
Learning to be a better lover isn’t just about pleasing your partner, especially at your own expense. A huge part of having great sex with your partner is also expressing what you need — you should both be enjoying it equally.
Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs, like if you need more lube like our Intimacy Sex Oil or a different pressure or rhythm. When you’re getting just as much sexual pleasure, you’ll be even more mentally into it and a much better lover.
How To Be a Better Lover Outside of the Bedroom
Keeping sexual desire for each other high doesn’t stop when you’ve both gotten off. Take that passion outside the bedroom and into the rest of your life.
8. Change It Up
Part of being a better lover is changing it up. If your relationship has fallen into a set pattern — at the same times, in the same places, using the same techniques — work on breaking out of that routine.
Take your partner out for an unexpected date night, suggest taking your intimacy out of the bedroom and into the shower, send them a sexy picture, and try new positions. Don’t let your sexual connection get stale because you’re afraid to mix it up. Change is good!
9. Create New Memories
Being in a long-term relationship is about building memories together, but the longer you’re together, the less likely that is to happen. Set aside the time to create new memories with your partner by making big gestures, especially outside traditional events like anniversaries or birthdays.
Take a weekend trip somewhere they’ve always wanted to go, surprise them with tickets to their favorite band, or anything that shows them how much they’re appreciated and how well you know them. Plus, having sex in new places can make it seem even steamier.
10. Flirt and Kiss As Foreplay
We often think of foreplay in a very binary way, like it’s a chore to be done before moving on to what we really want to do. But foreplay can be so much more important and exciting than that. In fact, it can be the star of the show.
Take the time to cuddle with your partner, flirt with them, bathe together, and make out, even without the intention of getting down and dirty. These actions show your partner that they are valued for more than just a sexual object and establish a stronger emotional connection that can only improve your sexual relationship.
Takeaway
Want to be a better lover (and have better sex)? With our 10 tips, you can focus on the parts that really matter — not the sex itself but everything that surrounds it. Communication, an open mind, and building your intimate relationship with your partner set the stage for super hot, super connected, mind-blowing sex.
Foria is here for you every step of the way with tips you can use no matter how long you’ve been together.
Sources:
How Much of Communication Is Nonverbal? | UT Permian Basin Online
Gratitude is for Lovers | Greater Good | Berkeley
Openness to Experience: The Gates of the Mind | Scientific American
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