A good blowjob is a piece of performance art. It’s also incredibly empowering for the person performing it, giving you complete control over your partner’s experience and arousal. If you’ve been blowing your partner like it’s a chore, we urge you to reconsider how you view it.
After all, you’d expect them to do the same, right? If you want a few tips on how to give a blowjob or ways you can turn up the heat, stick around. We’ve got a complete and ultimate guide to giving the best head of your and your partner’s lives.
Set the Mood
Like all sexual intimacy, learning how to give a blowjob starts long before their pants come off and your mouth gets to work. Setting the mood is a vital part of the experience, and a fantastic blowjob takes all of your partner’s senses into account.
We give people with penises too much credit for being ready to go at a moment’s notice, but it can be much harder to get and keep an erection if there’s too much going on or the mood isn’t right. Take your time to make sure the vibe is right before you go down on them.
Put on their favorite (non-distracting) music, light a few of their favorite scented candles, put on something sexy, and ensure you have uninterrupted time together. All of those factors put the focus on you, where it belongs. And, even though oral sex is often (wrongly) seen as “just foreplay,” you can still add build-up like a sultry striptease or some role play before getting to business.
Talk to Your Partner
Communication and consent are always essential parts of a sexual relationship, long-term or not. Talking to your partner about your intent before blowing them is crucial, and oral sex shouldn’t go ahead if they have any reservations whatsoever.
This communication also gives you the time to talk about your turn-ons and turn-offs to set healthy boundaries. For example, if you have strong feelings about having your hair pulled while giving a blowjob, this is a great time to tell your partner that. Consent is always sexy!
Learn Their Sexual Preferences
Fortunately or unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to learning how to give a blowjob. Everyone is different, with unique kinks, tastes, and sexual preferences.
The key to the best blowjob technique is working with your partner’s likes and dislikes, so don’t be stubborn and think you know better. Imagine if the roles were reversed — not cool, right?
The best way to find this information is just to ask your partner! Do they want eye contact, or is that not a big deal for them? Are they interested in edging? Are they open to anal play, or is that a no-go?
Knowing their sexual preferences in advance can help you give them the best, most customized blowjob of their lives.
Ease the Tension
When you’re trying new things, it can be intimidating. But there’s no reason to suffer in silence, and sexual intimacy with your partner should never be scary or anxiety-inducing. If you’re feeling that way, let them know!
If you know that you tend to feel tense when giving oral sex, do what you need to before getting settled to help ease the tension. Have a glass of wine, take a bath, go for a run — whatever enables you to get out the nervous energy so you can focus. Take some deep breaths and take care of you!
Be All Kinds of Vocal
Just because you’re not the one getting oral (and the moment, anyway) doesn’t mean that you have to be quiet. Many people assigned male at birth are shamed for being too loud or moaning too much, as though that were not a “manly” thing to do.
That couldn’t be further from the truth, and, in reality, we’d argue that most people are super into hearing their partner vocalize how good they’re making them feel. Can I get an amen?
The same goes for you! Even though you can’t talk with your mouth full, that shouldn’t stop you from moaning and being vocal about how turned on you are watching them squirm.
Stay Hydrated
Hydration is critical for every area of the body, and chances are you’re probably not getting enough of it. When giving a great blowjob, hydration is vital for ensuring you have the saliva to keep everything nice and moist.
If you’re dehydrated, your mouth probably already feels sticky and gross. Drink plenty of water before going down on your partner, and make sure it’s comfortable for both of you. The wetter, the better!
Don’t Be Afraid To Take a Break
Let’s talk about the obvious — we’re not machines. Even pornstars get a sore jaw when they’re going down on their partner for long enough! If your jaw is starting to hurt, don’t be afraid to take a break.
Use your saliva or a quality lube and switch to a handjob for a bit, or spend some time exploring other erogenous zones (we’ll get into those in a bit). Once your jaw feels loosened up, you can get back to it without skipping a beat.
Stroke Your Partner’s Penis and Their Ego
It’s not all about your mouth when learning how to give a blowjob. If you’re newer to oral sex or just not comfortable or ready to deep throat (which you are never expected to do, by the way), use a well-lubed hand to stroke the base of his penis while you focus your attention on the head and frenulum.
Stroking is also an excellent hack for people with an overactive gag reflex. Just make sure you’re stroking your partner’s ego — who doesn’t want to hear that they’re so big that you couldn’t possibly fit their entire penis in your mouth? It’s universal!
Try Different Positions
People tend to give blowjobs in one specific position — often with their partner sitting in a chair and them kneeling on the floor between their legs. While this is a classic move, it’s not the only way to blow your partner! Experiment with other oral sex positions and change it up the next time you go down.
Don’t Forget the Balls and Perineum Too!
Male anatomy is full of nerve endings and pleasure spots. Unfortunately, we get so tied up in the actual act of the blowjob that we forget about all the surrounding areas!
Massaging and licking their testicles, stimulating their prostate through the perineum, or even using sex toys or a vibrator (with plenty of lube and their consent, of course) for anal stimulation can turn a good blowjob into a great blowjob.
Be Safe
Part of learning how to give a blowjob is learning how to keep yourself safe. Oral sex has fewer risks than penetrative sex but isn’t risk-free.
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HPV, and herpes can all be passed through a simple blowjob, especially if you don’t use protection. HIV is also possible but at a much lower risk.
Make sure you’re getting tested before and after each new sexual partner and require the same from them. Don’t take chances with your health, no matter how great the sex is.
Takeaway
Learning to give a good blowjob is about far more than just blowjob tips. Listen to your partner, develop healthy communication, and set solid boundaries before the main event. Following our advice can lead to the most satisfying sexual experiences yet — for both you and your partner.
Sources:
The Importance of Hydration | Harvard
Normal male sexual function: emphasis on orgasm and ejaculation | PMC
STD Risk and Oral Sex | STD | CDC
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