Many of us wish for better, more satisfying sex — the good news is that you may be able to communicate your way there. Having a satisfying sex life requires work, and learning how to talk about sex with your partner is a huge part of it.
No, we’re not talking about dirty talk (although we’re big fans); we mean honest, open, active communication about what you want out of your sex life.
Wanna know more about how talking can lead to sexual pleasure? We’ve got your go-to guide.
Can Talking About Sex Improve My Relationship?
In addition to having better, more fulfilling sex, talking can improve your overall relationship. Here are three ways communication can make a difference.
Creates Intimacy
Intimacy is one of the most vital parts of any relationship and is essential to a healthy sex life. True intimacy is a sense of closeness, emotional connection, and mutual support.
You and your partner feel safe and comfortable sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings and being vulnerable with each other. In many ways, intimacy is way better than any orgasm, and it certainly can last a long longer!
When you openly discuss your sexual needs with your partner, it can create a greater sense of intimacy. That connection can only improve your sex life and make your life together even more fun outside of the bedroom.
Enhances Respect
Openly discussing your boundaries and getting consent for sexual activity also enhances your respect for each other. Feeling safe and knowing your partner won’t cross your boundaries allows you to enjoy yourself more.
That respect also extends outside of your sex life as well. But don’t worry; if consensually not being respected in the bedroom is your turn-on, that’s still fair game.
Boosts Satisfaction
Sexual communication is all fine and good, but you also want your sex life to be pleasurable, right? When you’re able to state your sexual desires, kinks, and fetishes, you can experience sexual satisfaction like never before.
Combined with tools like our Awaken Arousal Oil, which boosts pleasure and sensation, you’ll have the best orgasms of your life in no time.
Why Is It Important To Talk About Sex With My Partner?
Talking to your partner about sex is crucial, but why exactly? What do you have to gain? Here are a few issues you can address and why they’re important in having a fun and consensual good time.
Consent and Boundaries
Consent is actively agreeing to engage in sexual activity with someone. When most people think of consent, they might think of one-night stands first. But consent applies to any sexual encounter, whether it’s your first time with that person or you’ve been together for years.
Consent is also not a one-time “yes” that covers all subsequent actions — it is an enthusiastic “yes” until the moment that changes. You can change your mind at any point.
In addition to getting consent, discussing your boundaries with your partner is essential. Boundaries are more than just your likes and dislikes; they’re hard lines you’re not willing to cross.
You can apply boundaries to every part of your life — your relationship with your friends, coworkers, and even family. Learning to say no is a magical tool.
Learning to talk about sex with your partner starts by understanding what your sexual boundaries are. Do some self-reflection on how you are comfortable being touched, how you want to be spoken to, and what you’re okay with doing to your partner and having them do to you. Then talk about them with your partner, and give them space to discuss theirs.
STIs and Birth Control
We’ve come a long way in destigmatizing STIs, but it can still be uncomfortable talking about them openly. However, as awkward as that conversation can be, it’s also non-negotiable.
You should always be tested before being sexually active with a new partner and require that your new partner do the same. If your partner refuses, it’s a huge red flag.
If you’re in a relationship with a partner that can get you pregnant (or that you can get pregnant), contraception is another non-negotiable conversation.
How do you plan to prevent pregnancy? Whose responsibility is it? What would happen if you or your partner were to get pregnant? Open communication about these issues ahead of time is critical.
Frequency and Preferences
Another crucial component to learning to talk about sex with your partner is clarifying your feelings on how often you have sex and where and when you want to do it.
For example, your partner may have a high sex drive and want to have sex multiple times a day. If that doesn’t sound fun to you (or if the thought of it makes your vagina hurt), see if you can find a compromise.
You can also use our Sex & Intimacy Collection to help keep things lubricated and reduce some discomfort that comes with more frequent intercourse. However, if you’re not into it, don’t do it — period. Your partner can get themselves off.
How Do I Start Talking About Sex With My Partner?
If you’re not used to good communication in your sexual relationship, it will be at least a little awkward at first. Try to lean into the awkward; a good sense of humor can make all the difference and help diffuse some of the tension. If you still need help with how to talk about sex with your partner, we’ve got a few other tips as well.
Plan Ahead
Although we’re big fans of spontaneity, having a quality conversation about your sex life with your partner requires a little foresight. You don’t want to spring big, important discussions on them, just as you wouldn’t want them to do that to you. Pull out your calendars and schedule a time to talk.
Timing and Location
While you’re in the planning stages of your sex talk, consider timing and location. Don’t plan your conversation before any big events because you never know what feelings may come up when you talk. It’s also a great idea to give yourself plenty of time so you don’t feel like you have to rush through it.
If you have kids (or roommates), you also want to find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Get a babysitter, kick your roommates out, and do whatever you need to get some privacy. Plus, after talking, you’ve got the house to yourself if you're in the mood.
Pro tip: We recommend not having this kind of talk after sex. While the intimacy can make it feel like a good time, it can also leave you or your partner feeling vulnerable and naked (physically and emotionally).
Active Communication
Believe it or not, there is a right and a wrong way to communicate with your partner. You’re looking for something called “active communication” followed by “active listening.”
When it’s your turn to talk, focus on using “me” or “I” statements — what you like, not what your partner is doing “wrong.” When your partner is talking, be quiet, listen (without preparing comebacks or responses in your head), and never judge them for how they feel.
Is There Anything I Shouldn’t Discuss With My Partner?
If you have a loving, trusting relationship with your partner, there isn’t anything you can’t discuss. If your partner makes you feel embarrassed or ashamed about your sexual preferences or doesn’t respect your boundaries, take a big step back and evaluate your relationship.
You can try to see a sex therapist (or any licensed counselor) together to see if you can develop a healthier relationship, or it might just be time to pull the plug.
The Bottom Line
Learning how to talk about sex with your partner is a crucial part of your sexual health and wellness. Don’t just settle for good sex, have great sex by opening up and discussing what is and isn’t working for you.
Remember, consent is essential, even if you’ve been with your partner for a long time. Stick with Foria for more ways to bring your sexual fantasies to life or improve your sexual experience.
Sources:
Sexual Boundaries: How to Set Them | Planned Parenthood
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) | WHO
Relationships - creating intimacy | Better Health Channel
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