Talk Pleasure with Elizabeth Ashford

Talk Pleasure to Me

An Honest Intimacy Conversation with Elizabeth Ashford, Certified Holistic Sex Educator and founder of Beyond The Beez

Talk Pleasure to Me is our series where we talk to experts on sex, relationships, and caring for your body (& mind) so you can get inspired on your pleasure journey and learn from the best.

Elizabeth Ashford is a certified holistic sex educator and is transforming how people experience intimacy, pleasure, and connection through education and coaching. Her work focuses on helping individuals and couples develop deeper emotional and relational intelligence, equipping them with tools to navigate their sexual decisions with confidence and clarity.

 

What was your inspiration for following this career path?

I've always loved talking about sex and learning about it. In college, I planned to go into sexual assault prevention work. I completed the application but couldn't bring myself to press send because I knew I wasn’t the right person for that job. I was 19 or 20 at the time, and if someone came to me with that kind of experience, I just wanted to cry with them instead of being the supportive peer educator I aspired to be.

Still, I wanted to work in that space, so I shifted toward a sex-positive approach. I fell in love with that role, and now, when I talk to people or work with clients, I navigate both aspects. I’m also in a much better place now to handle those conversations effectively.

 

What issues and topics are you most passionate about when it comes to women’s health and sexual wellbeing?

The orgasm gap and the pleasure gap in heterosexual relationships—those conversations are so important to me. I'm also deeply invested in political issues like trans rights and LGBTQ rights.

You have to walk before you can run. For me, “running” is addressing the pleasure gap and advocating in the political sphere, but before that comes “walking,” which is comprehensive sex education. We have basic “birds and bees” classes for young kids, but if we can introduce more thoughtful conversations early on, we can help remove the shame that often follows people throughout their lives.

Let's talk about the orgasm gap. It's most prominent for heterosexual couples. But what does it actually mean? 

When we think about sex, we often focus on penetration until the man finishes. That approach excludes so many people. For many heterosexual couples, foreplay is just a quick, two-minute interaction. Then, when women lose sexual interest over time, they get blamed — yet men are the ones orgasming the most. About 90% of men orgasm during sex, compared to only 56% of women.

It’s frustrating because women are incredibly sexual. We’re multi-orgasmic, and we don’t have a refractory period like men do. The potential for pleasure is so much greater, yet society treats female orgasms as some mystical, elusive thing. They’re not difficult to achieve — the issue is that our existing sexual “formula” is designed around male pleasure.

Education is step one. Many people don’t realize that, on average, women need 15 to 20 minutes of continuous stimulation to orgasm. Pleasure isn't emphasized in traditional sex education, and that’s a huge gap in our understanding.

 

What are the most common misconceptions about the female body and what do you wish everyone knew?

When I was at Harvard, I’ll never forget that, in my senior year, a friend of mine had no idea where her clitoris was — she had never even heard the word. That moment stuck with me. If this lack of knowledge exists even in elite academic spaces, imagine how widespread the issue is.

The biggest misconception is how little we’re taught about our own bodies. The brain is the most important sex organ, and it needs to be nurtured to maintain a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Too often, people assume they already know everything about sex, but real sexual education is about building a toolkit to navigate the ups and downs that inevitably come throughout life.

What’s a holistic tip for improving your sexual wellbeing?

Before I give a tip, can I first share something to avoid?

A content creator I admire recently posted a video saying men shouldn’t watch porn. It bothered me because so much advice — especially for women — focuses on keeping your partner interested, which can make people feel like they’re not doing enough. Sure, for a small percentage of people, porn can be a problem, but for most, it isn’t.

The idea that you’ll choose one person and be sexually satisfied forever is, to me, a myth. Instead of restricting or pulling things away, allow for freedom. Being in a relationship is a choice, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the world disappears. Porn isn’t inherently harmful — it can actually be a great resource for couples. If you’re curious about something, you can watch it together and explore how you feel about it.

 

What are some ways that you assist and support your clients in having open communication about these sensitive topics? Do you have any tips that our readers can take into their relationships? 

One of the biggest things I do is normalize the fact that no single person — no matter how perfect — will fulfill all your needs forever.

There’s this unrealistic expectation that, in your twenties, you’ll find your perfect partner, get married, and be happy forever. But life doesn’t work that way. We all experience ups and downs, and that applies to our sex lives too. If you ever feel less attracted to your partner or not as excited as you once were, that’s completely normal. The key is knowing that there are ways to work through those phases rather than seeing them as failures.

What's your favorite Foria formula? 

I love Foria! I have so many of your products, and you’re one of the only brands outside of sex toy bases where I’ve actually finished an entire bottle. The Body Oil is amazing — I completely emptied it and need to get a new one. It’s non-sticky, which is rare for an oil. Sometimes, you put oil on and then can’t get into bed because you don’t want to make a mess, but that’s not an issue with this one.

I also love the suppositories. Not many people know about them, so they’re always fun to talk about. Plus, the packaging is beautiful.

 

If you were to suggest a small thing that a couple can do tonight to improve their intimate life, what would it be?

Try to incorporate at least 10 minutes of foreplay. Ideally, I’d recommend 15 or 20 minutes, but I don’t want to overwhelm people — so I start with 10. If you’re already used to 10, try extending it to 20.

Another simple yet highly effective tip — one that may seem basic to some but is still unnecessarily stigmatized — is using lube. I firmly believe that you should use lube every time. If your experience is at 90%, lube will take it to 100. It’s such a small addition, but it consistently makes things better.

 

More from Elizabeth

To learn more about Elizabeth and Beyond The Beez, please follow her on Instagram or visit her website.

 

Wanna be interviewed for this series?

The Foria Practitioner Program is accepting applications from professionals with expertise in women’s health who wish to recommend Foria products to their clients and professional network To be part of the practitioner program, please apply to our affiliate program. Learn more and apply.

 

 

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