Talk Pleasure with Elizabeth Ashford

by Elizabeth Ashford
Mar 18, 2025

Talk Pleasure to Me

An Honest Intimacy Conversation with Elizabeth Ashford, Certified Holistic Sex Educator and founder of Beyond The Beez

Talk Pleasure to Me is our series where we talk to experts on sex, relationships, and caring for your body (& mind) so you can get inspired on your pleasure journey and learn from the best.

Elizabeth Ashford is a certified holistic sex educator and is transforming how people experience intimacy, pleasure, and connection through education and coaching. Her work focuses on helping individuals and couples develop deeper emotional and relational intelligence, equipping them with tools to navigate their sexual decisions with confidence and clarity.

What was your inspiration for following this career path?

I always loved talking about sex [and] loved learning about it. I was going to go into sexual assault prevention work when I was in college. I did the whole application, [but] couldn't press send [because] I knew I wasn't the person for that job. It was like back when I was 19 or 20. If someone was coming to me with something like that, I just wanted to cry with them rather than being the peer educator that I wanted to be. I wanted to keep doing work in that space, so I ended up going into a sex-positive lens. I fell in love with that role and now I kind of have to tackle both when I'm talking to people or clients or whatever it may be. And I'm in a better space now to be able to do that.

What issues and topics are you most passionate about when it comes to women’s health and sexual wellbeing?

The orgasm gap and pleasure gap between heterosexual couples. I have such a soft spot for that discussion. And where we are politically is another portion of the world where I'm consistently fired up — trans rights and LGBTQ rights.

It's a weird thing because you have to be able to walk before you can run. To me, the “running” is the long-term desire, the pleasure gap, and the political sphere. If I'm able to do that, I'm able to do the walking as well, [which] is the sex ed. We have a birds and bees class for really young kids. And if we can get in at that stage, it's so amazing because it can help remove a lot of the shame that people often experience throughout their life.

Let's talk about the orgasm gap. It's most prominent for heterosexual couples. But what does it actually mean?

When we think about sex in general, we're [typically] focusing on the penis [in] a vagina until a man finishes. That is not inclusive, we're missing a whole portion of human beings. And [for many] heterosexual couples, foreplay is the quick two-minute situation. We blame women for being less sexually interested as the years go on, but men are the ones orgasming the most. It's usually 90% of men and 56% of women [that orgasm during sex]. It's such a frustrating thing because I think women are more sexual. We are multi-orgasmic. We can experience so many more orgasms in our lives than men because we don't have the refractory timeframe. The opportunity of what we could experience is so much higher. And we treat women's orgasms like this mystical thing that's hard to achieve. It's not hard to achieve. It's just this formula that we've created [is] built for men.

I think step one is the education piece. Even what we just talked about — that formula and why it doesn't work. You can learn a bit more about women's pleasure as a whole and make sure you know that it often takes 15 to 20 minutes of continuous simulation for a female to finish. The goal is to be able to use your brain, which is the biggest sex organ. Pleasure isn't taught, in any sort of system that I've seen.

What are the most common misconceptions about the female body and what do you wish everyone knew?

I went to Harvard and I'll never forget [in my senior year], one of my friends had no idea where her clitoris was. Never really heard the word! And I was like, “Damn, even in an atmosphere where people think they're the smartest people in the world, we don't even know about our own body.” And that's not to fault her. But I think the misconception is that this [lack of knowledge] is everywhere. It's so pervasive in terms of how we understand ourselves and our bodies.

The brain is the biggest sex organ and it has to be nurtured to be able to have interesting and great sex past the physicality. I think most people are missing an ingredient. When I graduated, people were hearing what I was doing and often saying to me, “You know, I already know everything there is to know about sex.” And [I was] like, “Mm, you are my target audience.” Sexual education is just a toolkit to help you move through those sexual ups and downs that will exist forever.

What’s a holistic tip for improving your sexual wellbeing?

Can I go into a thought of what not to do [first]? A content creator that I love [posted a] video about how your man shouldn't be watching porn. It bothered me because the way we talk to people, especially women is [about] how to keep your partner interested and it makes you feel like you need to be doing more. There's that percentage of people where maybe [porn] is a problem for them, but it's far and few between. Porn is an educational resource for young kids.

This concept of choosing one person and being sexually satisfied for the rest of your life is a myth (to me). So don't try to pull these things away, allow that sense of freedom. Remind yourself that [being together] is a choice and [it] doesn't mean everyone else is dead and porn shouldn't exist. People can be beautiful and so are you. If you want to explore different fantasies, porn can be a great resource for couples. If you're like, “What is XYZ thing? Let's go watch it. Let's see how we feel about it.” It can be a good stepping stone.

What are some ways that you assist and support your clients in having open communication about these sensitive topics? Do you have any tips that our readers can take into their relationships?

Normalizing that the one person you picked (if you are in a monogamous experience), will not be the solution forever for the rest of your life. We've unfortunately created a crazy expectation that when you're in your twenties, you're supposed to find your perfect person, get married, and be fulfilled and happy together forever.

There are, as I mentioned before, ups and downs. It's funny because we look at our lives and we know if we're happy right now, that [it] won't last forever. That's depressing and we don't always think like that, but there will be bad times and good times. Your sex life is the same. So I think it's just making sure people are aware that when they're not feeling aroused or excited by their partner, that's normal. And there are ways to get around that.

What's your favorite Foria formula?

I love Foria and I have a lot of your products and you're one [of the] only brands I've used that's not a sex toy base that I've actually emptied the bottle of Body Oil. Emptied it, love it, need to get a new one. It's very non-sticky. Sometimes you may put oil on [and] you can't get on your bed [because you don’t want to make a mess]. None of that exists when I use the Body Oil. And then the suppositories — I always love talking about those. I think that's a product not a lot of people know of, so it's always a fun one to talk about. And the packaging is beautiful.

More from Elizabeth

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